I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I deserve this hangover.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
