i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Randomize
