I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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