I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize
