I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
She announced her abortion via fbk
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
