party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
where am i from again
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
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