You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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