he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
