I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
