Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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