So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
It's official drugs can't kill me
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
