A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
