I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Randomize
