I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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