It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Randomize
