Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
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