You're completely useless in the revolution.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
