i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
