I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Randomize
