how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
