Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
