if you like me you must not know who I am
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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