I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Randomize
