He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
