If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
