Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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