Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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