They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
