drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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