conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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