Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Randomize
