His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
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