I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
