I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
