finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
