im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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