Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
