The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
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