First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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