nutella sex= disaster
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Randomize
