Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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