yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
