Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
