I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Randomize
