forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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