im about as happy as oj after his trial
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
