First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I came so hard my ears popped.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
