you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
