You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Houston, we have a blender
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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