You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
