the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
